Personal accounts of first episode psychosis and recovery

by "Walter"

In hindsight, the illness was with me on a minor level for a long time, hearing people passing on the street, in the next room or walking by the house, all talking maliciously about me. I was convinced that random people and half acquaintances were running me down. This went on for almost 5 years before what I'll call "the big one". I started to believe that I could communicate telepathically with the musicians on my walkman, and even people outside the house. Sometimes I was seeing battlefields and everything around me turning into the Matrix though nobody else could see this. At other times my life became fantasy, I would believe that I was on a mission to track terrorists or think that I was God.

This went on for some time before I eventually saw a psychiatrist. It bubbled away in the background. I was oblivious to what was going on until these experiences started to frighten me. I was admitted to hospital and started taking medication, it worked, no more voices, no more seeing things. When I was discharged I did have some symptoms left and I worked with the psychiatrist to help these. The system that we developed was for me to keep a log of psychotic symptoms and write down the ones I wanted fixed at the next session, like a mechanic. And it's been working very well.

Having a mental illness is not the end of the world, by any means, 1 year later and I'm doing well, I'm probably just about back to normality. Just keeping physically healthy helps and I'm working on the rest.

What is psychosis? Download Delta Project fact sheets